[governance] FW: suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45 and 65

[Gurstein, Michael]

My suggestions were purely stylistic so if the other one works
tactically then go with it certainly...

MG

-----Original Message-----
From: Adam Peake (ajp at glocom.ac.jp) [mailto:apeake at gmail.com] 
Sent: November 6, 2005 2:00 PM
To: Gurstein, Michael
Cc: governance at lists.cpsr.org
Subject: Re: [governance] suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45
and 65


Michael,

Thanks, your text is an improvement.  But two things.  I think we have a
better argument to say 'this is the text we submitted before and was
ignored'. It's in the record of the prepcom so procedurally may be
easier to accept.

And the other is that the text is already too long, the whole paragraph
as "agreed" now is:

a) Policy authority for Internet-related public policy issues is the
sovereign right of States. They have rights and responsibilities for
international Internet-related public policy issues;
b) The private sector has had and should continue to have an important
role in the development of the Internet, both in the technical and
economic fields;
c) Civil society has also played an important role on Internet matters,
especially at community level, and should continue to play such a role;
d) Intergovernmental organizations have had and should continue to have
a facilitating role in the coordination of Internet-related public
policy issues;
e) International organizations have also had and should continue to have
an important role in the development of Internet-related technical
standards and relevant policies. (Agreed)

changing to:


will probably be said to be too much and out of style.  Which is why we
say we also accept the EU suggestion to make it shorter.

So I'd like to keep the draft as is, OK?

Adam


On 11/6/05, Gurstein, Michael <gurstein at adm.njit.edu> wrote:
> >From the perspective of someone who does a lot of editing including
> >some
> experience in a former life of editing for UN-ese could I suggest that
> the following paragraph (PROPOSED CHANGE B) would scan rather better 
> (with I think no change in content) than the one being presented 
> (PROPOSED CHANGE A)...
>
> MG
>
> PROPOSED CHANGE B
>
> 43 c. Civil society has played an important role on Internet matters.
> This role has ranged from capacity building at the community level, to

> the fostering of technological innovation in infrastructure and 
> systems, to the creation of much of the content that makes the 
> Internet what it is today. Civil Society should continue to play such 
> a role.
> > <http://www.itu.int/wsis/docs2/pc3/contributions/sca/GLOCOM-22.doc>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org
> [mailto:governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org] On Behalf Of Adam Peake
> (ajp at glocom.ac.jp)
> Sent: November 6, 2005 1:26 PM
> To: governance at lists.cpsr.org
> Subject: Re: [governance] suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45 
> and 65
>
> EXISTING
>
> > 45 c) Civil society has also played an important role on Internet
> > matters, especially at community level, and should continue to play 
> > such a role;
>
> PROPOSED CHANGE-A
>
> > 43 c. Civil society has played an important role on Internet
> > matters. This role has ranged from capacity building at the 
> > community level to the contribution of much of the technological 
> > innovation and to the creation of much of the content that makes the

> > Internet what it is today. Civil Society should continue to play 
> > such a role. 
> > <http://www.itu.int/wsis/docs2/pc3/contributions/sca/GLOCOM-22.doc>
> >
>
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> governance at lists.cpsr.org
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