[governance] suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45 and 65

[Gurstein, Michael]

On reflection CHANGE B would be strengthened--CHANGE B+ --by replacing
"FOSTERING" with "REALIZATION OF"

43 c. Civil society has played an important role on Internet matters.
This role has ranged from capacity building at the community level, to
the REALIZATION of technological innovation in infrastructure and
systems, to the creation of much of the content that makes the Internet
what it is today. Civil Society should continue to play such a role. 

MG

-----Original Message-----
From: governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org
[mailto:governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org] On Behalf Of Gurstein,
Michael
Sent: November 6, 2005 1:43 PM
To: ajp at glocom.ac.jp; governance at lists.cpsr.org
Subject: Re: [governance] suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45
and 65


>From the perspective of someone who does a lot of editing including 
>some
experience in a former life of editing for UN-ese could I suggest that
the following paragraph (PROPOSED CHANGE B) would scan rather better
(with I think no change in content) than the one being presented
(PROPOSED CHANGE A)...

MG

PROPOSED CHANGE B


> <http://www.itu.int/wsis/docs2/pc3/contributions/sca/GLOCOM-22.doc>



-----Original Message-----
From: governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org
[mailto:governance-bounces at lists.cpsr.org] On Behalf Of Adam Peake
(ajp at glocom.ac.jp)
Sent: November 6, 2005 1:26 PM
To: governance at lists.cpsr.org
Subject: Re: [governance] suggested changes to chairs paper, paras 45
and 65

EXISTING

> 45 c) Civil society has also played an important role on Internet
> matters, especially at community level, and should continue to play 
> such a role;

PROPOSED CHANGE-A

> 43 c. Civil society has played an important role on Internet matters.
> This role has ranged from capacity building at the community level to 
> the contribution of much of the technological innovation and to the 
> creation of much of the content that makes the Internet what it is 
> today. Civil Society should continue to play such a role. 
> <http://www.itu.int/wsis/docs2/pc3/contributions/sca/GLOCOM-22.doc>
>

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